How NOT to Apply for a Job: The Art of Video Resumes

Trying to make yourself appealing to employers in these tough economic times? Note—this includes you, Tufts—video resumes are not the answer. People will laugh at you, including people who usually get paid to be laughed at. Here's why.

1. Employers Don't Need You As Much As You Need Them

Making yourself out to be the human equivalent of ketchup that's needed to spice up this dry sandwich of a job opening you're applying for will never impress any potential employer. Ever. Jury is still out on whether or not making them a tasty sandwich helps, however.

2. You Risk Coming Off Looking Like A Douche

Unless you're this guy and the risk is negligible because you're already a douche. A card carrying one, at that.

3. You Are Not Scorcese, And If You Were This Would Be Your "Shutter Island"

Movie-making is not your forte, just face it. In attempting it, you run the risk that too many special effects will kill your chances at gainful employment. Remember, your resume shouldn't have the same effect on your boss as Pokemon does on small Japanese children.

Conversely, having no special effects at all will have the power to make you look even more boring than white bread. Even if you're Black.

4. You Are Not As Cool As You Think You Are

Everyone who has ever been to Africa says that they've been to Africa. Repeat: Just because you went to Africa does not mean you are special.

5. ...Especially Not As Cool As Devin

You didn't think to put the Death Star explosion and a T-Rex in your resume, did you?

6. Most Importantly, All Video Resumes Remind People Of This Guy

...And then Michael Cera will have to turn your embarassing job-search fail into his own viral comedy win.

The author of this post can be contacted at tips@gawker.tv

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