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Jan 28, 2010 12:01 PM
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New York, 5:29 AM
Fri Jul 30
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On Steven Seagal: Lawman, Steven chases after a perp, loses him, thinks he finds him, barges into the wrong house, and recklessly uses his gun only to lose him again. Be glad you don't live in Jefferson Parish, Louisiana.
Steven is patrolling a bad neighborhood in his police SUV of badassery and spouting infinite words of wisdom without actually doing any policework—like he does on EVERY EPISODE. So when he sees someone shady, and that shady guy proceeds to run away from his vehicle, Steven will have to spring into action and be a hero. Kinda? I mean...he tries to catch the guy, and trying is half the battle! But he does accomplish his most important job—he whispers an empty threat to the perpetrator after he fails to catch him.
But the biggest thing to happen was that SOMETHING ALMOST HAPPENED ON THIS SHOW. While searching a house, Steven Seagal has his gun drawn, but Steven's voiceover says he doesn't want to use his gun. This is a lie. He wants to shoot, and he wants to kill. You can tell by the look on his face and the way his gun is drawn that he has an itchy trigger-finger. You know who else has an itchy trigger finger? THE PRODUCERS OF STEVEN SEAGAL: LAWMAN. They probably saw the footage from this show and realized that they had 200 hours of Steven Seagal being an idiot. Shoot your gun, Steven—even if it's in the air as a warning shot—so an actual event can transpire on this sorry excuse of a show besides you displaying how bad you are at your job to a national audience. Please?
Send an email to Mike Byhoff, the author of this post, at mike@gawker.TV.
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