[via YouTube]

If you're a Gawker.TV regular, then you've probably seen our recurring post about how to join the #tvparty. If you're new to Gawker.TV, welcome! And don't forget to check out Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Commenting on Gawker.TV. You will be all set and commenting away before you know it.

But with so many shows on each night, how can anyone keep track of the comments in #tvparty? We know scrolling through comments to find those few people talking about what you're watching is annoying.

That's why, every night, myself and a few other members of the Gawker.TV family will be in the #tvparty trenches right there with you, fueling the discussion for your favorite shows. Join us in four simple steps:

• Check out what's on tonight.
• Pick your favorite show.
• Head on into the #tvparty.
• Go nuts!

8:00 PM
Scrubs Season finale. Due to it's less-than-stellar reviews and numbers, Scrubs' season 9 finale might end up being it's Series finale. Either way, you should watch and see how the writers attempt to get us to like the show again. (ABC)
America's Next Top Model The models gear up for their first photoshoot. Andre Leon Talley (Vouge's Editor-at-large) joins the judges for the season's first elimination. (The CW)
Human Target Chance reconnects with Emma Barnes, Guerrero recruits a new member of the team. (Fox)
Mercy Veronica treats an anorexic patient whose symptoms mirror her own issues, Chloe warms up to Briggs, and Sonia runs into an ex at a St. Patrick's Day celebration. (NBC)
Independence Day In the mood for a movie? ABC Family is showing Will Smith's 1996 movie about alien spaceships attacking earth. (ABC Family)

9:00 PM
American Idol One of the Top 12 finalists is eliminated. (Fox)
Throwdown with Bobby Flay Stuffed french toast is tonight's challenge, yum! (Food Network)
High Society (9:30) When Tinsley goes to Paris for fashion week and meets her German Prince, it does not turn out well. Then, Tinsley's mother does something very awkward that makes everyone uncomfortable. (The CW)

10:00 PM
South Park Season 14 Premiere. The season opener reveals that soem of the 4th graders are, in fact, sex addicts. Does anyone else smell a Tiger Woods joke here? (Comedy Central)
Addicted Series Premiere. This new reality show highlights the addicted (duh) and tonight centers around Amanda, a 31-year-old herion addict & alcoholic. (TLC)
The Real World Erica is unhappy about living in the house. (MTV)
Law & Order: SVU Benson and Stabler question the validity of a rap accusation. (NBC)
Shear Genius The contestants provide the red carpet looks for Estelle's CD release party. She also shows up later in the episode as a judge. (Bravo)
Ugly Betty Betty falls for a playwright she's writing about for Mode, Justin falls for a classmate, and Wilhelmina lands in the hospital with an ulcer. (ABC)
Ugly Americans (10:30) Series Premiere. This new cartoon takes place in New York City and revolves around Mark—a social worker who attempts to make monsters, demons, and vampires to get along with humans. But will people get it? (Comedy Central)

Who's on the Late Night Couches Tonight?
The Daily Show: Snoop Dogg (Comedy Central)
The Colbert Report: Nell Irvin Painter (Comedy Central)
Lopez Tonight: Wanda Sykes, Peter Facinelli, Loni Love (TBS)
Chelsea Lately Avril Lavigne (E!)
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: Dwayne Johnson, Switchfoot (NBC)
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon: Dakota Fanning, Joseph Fiennes, the XX (NBC)
Last Call with Carson Daly Kat Von D, Dan Smith, Garfunkel & Oates, Metric (NBC)
Late Show with David Letterman: Gerard Butler, Mindy Kaling, Free Energy (CBS)

[via YouTube]

She said it three times—I think that makes it legit by AP standards.

This video from Brandy Library Beverage Director Ethan R. Kelly will have you navigating the whiskey section of your local liquor store with aplomb. It's about time you had a classy sidecar to go with your Guinness, no?

[via YouTube]

[Barney and Ted make the worst decisions ever on a night of St. Patrick's debauchery on How I Met Your Mother. Image via HIMYM Source.]

• In TV News...
• Tracy Morgan will return as the host of SyFy's Scare Tactics.
• How YOU doin', Wendy Williams just got her show renewed for another season.
• Rachel Harris is headed to My Boys to play Mike's new love interest. Sadly, Jim Gaffigan will exit the show.
• Jillian Michaels is getting her own Biggest Loser spinoff called Losing it With Jillian. The show will premiere on June 1 and take the place of NBC's Parenthood.
• Tom Selleck is thisclose to signing on to CBS's new NYPD drama that will also star Donnie Whalberg.
• Comcast is planning on airing this years Masters in 3D. The golf tournament runs from April 8-11th, and ESPN/CBS will supposedly broadcast in 3D for two hours each day.
• North Carolina's Time Warner sydnicate accidentally aired the Playboy Channel on their Kids and Prescool On Demand networks. Oops.
• OhNoTheyDidn't posted some new information about Conan O'Brien and Fox getting a deal together.
• President Obama must really want his health care bill to pass because he's sitting down for an interview with Brett Baier on Fox News.
• This seems fitting: Paula Abdul is in talks to host ABC's Star Search revamp.
• You can win tickets to see The Late Show with David Letterman by voting for your favorite video of their "Stupid Pet and Human Tricks."

• Around the Web...
• NCAA Basketball isn't your thing, either? Take part in the 2010 Muppet Madness tournament instead.
• Will Arnett and Amy Poehler are expecting another baby!
• TVgasm to MTV: "Just Fire Spencer!"
• You can sign up at Inside TV to win the Breaking Bad DVD in honor of it's return this Sunday.
• Best Week Ever sheds light on Vitamin Water's new (and possibly racist?) ad campaign.
• Here are some tasty-looking Lost-themed Bento Boxes.
• Aziz Ansari is going on tour again, and you can pre-order tickets here.
• Flavorwire has 10 Young Adult Books for actual adults. Somehow, Twilight didn't make the list...

When will too soon not be too soon anymore? A little under nine years, it seems.

This is also America's first real exposure to Chris Morris, who has been funny for a long time, we just didn't know it, because we're xenophobic assholes.

[via NY Mag]

[via YouTube]

Congratulations to Anrkist for being the first person to answer today's Freeze Frame. Click through for the answer.

Today's Freeze Frame came from the 1995 movie Hackers. Watch the original scene from the movie below:

[via Mpora.com]

[via YouTube]

What is that, exactly? To celebrate "how much superior the Irish culture is to every other culture in the world." Also, he loves St. Bernards because "any dog that carries whiskey is a good Irish dog."

[via YouTube]

LOST just keeps getting more and more complicated. Even last night's episode, which answered nothing, reintroduced us to the still-mysterious Charles Widmore and a whole new gang of people. How many tribes/gangs/alliances do we need? It's the final season! This is how last night's episode should have gone::

LOST Season 6, Episode 8 "Recon"

The first scene opens with John Locke and Sawyer looking out over the ocean.

Sawyer
When we going home, John? You said you were gonna get us off this rock!

John Locke
Jimmy, babe. I got the liquor. I finally found Jacob's secret stash. We leave tonight, yo! It was the reason, the reason you're here. To help me find the booze and then leave in bromantic comedy fashion with a bald man that's really the smoky black spirit of love, man.

Locke holds his middle and index fingers up, communicating the idea of "Peace," to Sawyer.

Sawyer (aggressively)
Are you telling me you brought me here, killed the love of my life, broke my sanity so you could find alcohol?

Locke
I didn't bring you here, baby! But I came here voluntarily. Why do you think I want to get off of this island, after trying so hard to get here?! A treasure map, J-Slice! I found old school pirate booty, along with a ton of stowed away coconut rum. I came to this island, James, 'cause I wanna cruise home in style. We make Nepal by tomorrow, pick up some Eurotrash honies that will do whatever you ask for enough coin. I can't keep this thing up with Claire the nutcase, she's dryer than an ant-eaters nose. Or is it an ant-eaters mouth?

Sawyer
Damn Locke...

John Locke
Call me The Smoke Thing.

Sawyer
Damn Smoke Thing...

John Locke
No... no... actually, call me Big Poppa.

Sawyer
Damn Big Papa...

John Locke
Yeah that's right.

Sawyer and Locke both smile to each other as if they are having the same thought, but then Locke gets deadly serious and grabs Sawyer by the shoulders

John Locke
But here's the thing, right? Dead Locke's old college roommate, Charlie Whidmore fell into some money, and now he has this submarine! He called me on Dead Locke's Nokia and was all "You screwed my ex-wife, that's totally against the bro code" and I have no idea what he's talking about, because that's total bullshit. Guy's got a screw loose, cause I wouldn't touch his big ass wife with your dick.

Sawyer
Woah, easy persheezy Big Papa, what're you askin' me here?

John Locke
Just, he and his Red October are parked across the way, on that mini-island you hooked up with Kate on inside of Ben Linus' animal cage. If you could go play some smoove Sawyer mind games on Widmore's ass, I'll give you first pick of high class tail once we hit Nepal.

Sawyer
As long as you don't expect me to go any farther than maybe a foot message looks like we got ourselves a deal.

Scene II: (FINE AS IS):

Scene III: Because the script thus far only accounts for about six minutes of run-time the rest of the episode is Charles Widmore's Flash-Sideways. In the final shooting script they didn't even allot time for it, so months of footage were tossed to the cutting room floor. Don't worry, here it is, the conclusion of LOST's most epic deleted scene:

END

[via College Humor]

Actually, Seacrest probably wants Cowell to make sweet love to him, but those are just miniscule details in the big picture here.

This faux outrage and vehement defense of an Idol contestant is the equivalent of Seacrest constantly poking Simon in the back during class. It's a not-so-subtle courtship of showing your affection towards someone through sensual anger. Maybe if Ryan can show his feelings towards Cowell in a more adult way, there might be some progress past this not-so-innocent flirting.

This sexual tension between the two of them is really the only thing Idol has going for it this season, as this is without a doubt the worst talent pool to date.

[via YouTube]

Fergal is passionate about his Guinness, to be sure, but I'm a little confused whether he wants to drink it or ask it out on a date.

[via YouTube]

The Late Night Wars really were enjoyed by everyone (unless you had any affiliation to NBC), as they gave people a reason to watch late night TV again instead of being subjected to Jennifer Aniston being awkward. Dave seems to have washed his hands of the whole fiasco, but it really put a spark in Kimmel's butt. He does best when angry, and just recalling the whole mess got him really excited.

From the looks of this video, it appears that Tom got the true Penn experience - a keg of Natty Light in the overcrowded kitchen in the back, some brah wailing on his hand drums in the front, couches destroyed and/or made out on, unattainable girls and silly, grinning dudes, 2 AM trips to Philly Diner. Miss you, Penn!

Also, Tom, we at Gawker.TV love your style - consider this an official invite to our next meet up!

[via TomGreen.com]

[The View]

The full list of shows included and the timestamp they begin at is listed below:

• 0:01 Two and a Half Men
• 0:22 The Simpsons
• 0:36 O.C
• 1:00 Naruto
• 1:11 Family Guy
• 1:41 Married with Children
• 1:57 Cheers
• 2:16 That 70's Show
• 2:41 Big Love
• 2:58 Freaks and Geeks
• 3:18 Malcolm in the Middle
• 3:35 X-Files
• 3:55 Firefly
• 4:09 The Office
• 4:24 The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
• 4:44 Scrubs
• 4:54 True Blood
• 5:27 Charles in Charge
• 5:38 The Big Bang Theory
• 5:55 How I Met Your Mother
• 6:05 Mission Impossible
• 6:14 Friends
• 
  
  
  [Thanks for the tip, Robin!]

[via Hulu]

If we had one more week where a girl is emotionally abused by a deadbeat boyfriend, I was going to give up on this show. ..Oh, who am I kidding. I would watch this show if it were just a pregnant teen walking around eating pickles in her pajamas for an hour. NOT IN A CREEPY WAY. So get your mind out of the pedo-gutter, you pervert. This week was finally different.

Lori is a simple Kentucky girl raised in an even simpler Kentucky town, where the only worry is how tall the bluegrass will grow that day. Why this worries someone is confusing, but their priorities are different in Kentucky, so just back off. Lori was actually adopted, since she was born from a teen mom herself, so she is just keeping that tradition alive by being one as well. But she and her ex-boyfriend Corey, who looks like Samwise Gamgee if he were in a Limp Bizkit cover band, want to keep the baby, and that shit ain't flying with Lori's mom. The word "disaster" was thrown around quite a bit last night, and we may have to agree with the mom here. It's hard to get through to a teen who thinks a baby is essentially a fancy pet, and won't completely ruin their chances at going to college and really amounting to anything other than being a good mom (which is important!). You know what would get Lori to give up that baby post haste? Show her some disastrous episodes of Teen Mom, and tell her this is what she will be avoiding.

Easier said than done, though. Emotions play a big part in these decisions, usually outweighing logic completely. Take for instance the ultrasound. That's a pretty big part of anyone's pregnancy; it makes it all very real. But this wasn't any regular sonogram, this was the real-deal Holyfield SONOGRAM IN 3D. Get your glasses out, and strap the fuck in, people.

If she saw that baby in IMAX, there is no way she'd be giving it up for adoption.

So after the ultrasound, Lori wants to keep it, and in working out the logistics of how she will keep it, Corey comes up with the brilliant idea of Lori and her baby moving in with him and his roommate. Something tells me they haven't thought this through. A situation like that for a baby suddenly elucidates why some people grow up to become maladjusted sociopaths.

The push-and-pull continues, however, as mom, still on her "this is a disastuh" tirade, makes a startlingly good point about how unfit Lori is as a mother.

One stipulation: Mothers are allowed to know about Hannah Montana songs, but only if their children are listening to them. Mothers are not allowed to be fans of Hannah Montana.

So in this 9 month struggle, the parents, who have an astonishingly positive relationship with Samwise Gamgee, call him up and get him to tell Lori to give the baby up for adoption. Through a lot of very real tears, she begrudgingly accepts the baby's fate of being placed in a home fit for a baby, and not some Panty-Dropping Palace (I'm sure Samwise calls his apartment that).

Lori then has the baby, and MTV decided to show everyone's faces, which, come on, were absolutely hilarious. Reaction shots of sheer joy, terror, and just generally being grossed out will always be entertaining.

Awesome.

After spending some quality time with her baby, she said goodbye to little Aidan in a formal adoption ceremony. Which is probably sadder than 10 weddings and 10 funerals times a million. And I'm not exaggerating. It was so happy and raw and emotionally crushing.

So Lori goes back to her regular life with Corey, and so concludes MTV's allegory of our tenuous existence on this earth (or something)...for now.

[via YouTube]

[via YouTube]

[via LiveLeak]

Then, I'll hold your hair back.

[via YouTube]

[ckck]

Confused Lamb Can't Find Owner - Watch more Funny Videos

[via YouTube]